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Learning to be confident in your own sexuality and pleasure can be a difficult—but oh-so-rewarding—step in becoming your most confident sexual self. By cultivating the right mindset, you’ll improve your sex life and overall self-image all at once. Plus, learning to talk about pleasure will allow you to better communicate what you want in the bedroom. So let’s walk through some of the ways you can learn to talk about pleasure with confidence and own your sexuality. 

Why It’s Not Always Easy 

Unsurprisingly, many ingrained societal stigmas and gender-based expectations can make women feel uneasy about owning their sexuality. While the world tends to cheer on men for their sexual confidence and prowess, the pendulum usually swings in the opposite direction for women. From what they wear to how they speak, women are often pressured to forego their own needs and wants in the name of making others feel more comfortable. So if you’ve ever felt too embarrassed or scared to talk about pleasure or sexuality, you’re not alone. 

The good news is that you have the power to cultivate a sense of confidence and sexuality on your own terms. Your wants and needs are worthy of taking up space and no one has the right to look down on you for living authentically in your sexuality. But how do you reach this level of confidence? It’s all about getting to know yourself and banishing archaic preconceptions about pleasure. The sooner you stop listening to those outside voices, the sooner you can tune into your own sexuality. Keep reading for a few tips on strengthening your confidence around pleasure and sex. 

Tips for Talking About Pleasure

1. Explore Your Pleasure

Before you can tell a partner what you want, you have to understand your body and pleasure first. A great way to start your personal sexual exploration is through masturbation. With the comfort and privacy that comes with solo play, you’ll be free to experiment with self-pleasure in a calm and judgment-free environment. If the judgment or anxiety is coming from within, remember to be patient with yourself. Part of exploring your pleasure is figuring out what gets you in the mood. Experiment with different lighting, positions, and music until you find the atmosphere that lets you relax into pleasure.

Take this time to explore your body as well. What areas of your body and vulva feel the best when touched? Do you feel more pleasure from light touches or firmer ones? Do you enjoy vibrators, dildos, or clit-focused toys? There’s a ton to explore when you’re figuring out what makes you tick sexually. 

2. Communication 

Now that you know what you want in the bedroom, it’s time to communicate that to your partner. For many people, this can feel like the hardest part of the journey toward sexual confidence. But the ability to talk to your partner about pleasure can be one of the most rewarding skills to have. 

Learning to communicate your sexual wants and needs effectively is like exercising a muscle. With time and practice, it gets easier and easier. If you need some help psyching yourself up for that initial conversation, there are a few mental exercises you can try. Practicing aloud to yourself or in the mirror can help you gather your thoughts without the pressure of figuring out what to say in the moment. To help manage insecurities around these conversations, try anxiety-reducing breathing techniques to lower your heart rate and calm your mind. Ultimately, you may not be able to enter these conversations free of all anxiety, but that’s okay! Making these conversations a routine part of your sex life will help your confidence grow over time.  

3. Try Sexy Affirmations 

As a confidence booster, affirmations can be a fantastic way to grow your sexual self-image. Positive self-talk is an important skill for overall mental health too. Remind yourself about your positive qualities, and repeat them in your head or out loud. Are you having a particularly great hair day? Do you like your eye color? Do you have a quick wit or a sexy sense of humor? 

Whether it’s a personality trait or something about your physical body, make your favorite traits the subject of your affirmations. We know that finding something to compliment yourself on isn’t always easy. But in these cases, we encourage you to have extra compassion for yourself. Even if you’re not fully confident in the affirmations you’re saying, the act of saying them at all is powerful. These healthy habits can help you cultivate a steadily increasing sense of confidence over time. And this confidence will make it easier to own your pleasure and talk about your sexuality. 

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4. Find Positive Partners 

While a healthy sense of self-confidence is at the core of owning your sexuality and pleasure, having a supportive and communicative partner is also a huge help. Any sexual partner you have should never be dismissive or demeaning towards you or your sexual needs. If you try to start a conversation about what you want in the bedroom and your partner belittles or ignores you, that’s a strong sign of an unhealthy sexual relationship. 

On the flip side, a supportive sexual partner will be openly enthusiastic and invested in your pleasure. There are many potential partners out there who will prioritize your pleasure, which means you don’t have to settle for a sexual relationship that leaves you feeling stifled or unfulfilled. After all, becoming your most confident sexual self is a lot easier if you have a positive sexual partner in your corner.

The journey toward sexual confidence isn’t always an easy one, but it’s certainly a fulfilling one. Remember that patience is key, and you won’t shed your insecurities around pleasure overnight. What’s most important is that you maintain positive internal habits that cultivate a healthy self-image, while engaging with partners who recognize your worth. Before you know it, you’ll be taking steps toward talking about pleasure and sex with confidence. 


This article was written by Giselle Hernandez. She is a freelance sexual health and wellness copywriter with six years of experience writing blogs, website content, social media captions, digital ads, product descriptions, and collateral materials for clients. Check out her website to learn more about her work.



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