"Always ask yourself: is this person worth disrupting my vaginal pH for?"
It was so good we had to meet! Since, we've learned that Veronica is one of the funniest people on the planet. Witty, sarcastic and no stranger to lady parts struggles, we will probably know each other a long time! Get to know lady boss Veronica Kwiatkowski with us.
I got into comedy because I was miserable at my job and also because my friends were sick of hearing all my same jokes so I was like FINE I’ll take them to the people! I had always been interested in slash a fan of stand-up but when the reality of my first corporate day job hit me I realized I needed to stop fantasizing about it and finally try it. Being a woman in comedy is definitely not the easiest, because it’s a constant uphill battle of trying to get people (men) to take you seriously. It even shows up in the littlest ways, like when you arrive at a show, your name is literally on the flyer, you say ‘I’m on the show and my name is literally on the flyer” and the person at the door goes “I’m sorry ma’am, can I see your tickets?” But I think in a weird way being bi gives me an advantage because I’m like I’ve dated the whole spectrum, so let’s get into it, let’s connect. Standup actually felt like a really safe space to explore the questions I had about my sexuality because it is such a vulnerable art form and I do well processing things when I’m trying to make them funny. Also I get to do LGBTQ shows and those are just, of course, the most fun.
It’s always been a natural approach to my comedy, I think because I come from a family with no boundaries around these types of subjects and I’d gone through so many embarrassing sex things that talking about them became the only way I coped. When I started to talk about these types of things on stage and online I noticed that other people were really relating to them and I sort of realized “wait, I have no shame talking about these “taboo” things so I need to be the person to give voice to them or no one else will.” I think talking about taboos is so important - it makes people realize they aren’t weird or embarrassing and actually just very normal.
Weirdly good (???). My girlfriend and I got together last summer because pretty much as soon as the pandemic started we were only spending time with each other. We both had those realizations of ‘wait, you’re the person I feel like bringing into my bubble. Also we are having a lot of sleepovers for two adult women so we should probably figure out what’s going on here.’ Also in a way I think the pandemic made my priorities more clear and took some of my walls down so I could finally be open to a relationship. Thankfully my latest hoe phase ended in 2019 otherwise the lockdown would have been so hard
Oh, you mean the time I didn’t have any form of sex for two years bc I thought I was allergic to it? Basically I was struggling a lot with chronic BV - and going back to taboo subjects, literally NO ONE I knew talked about it even though I learned later that so many of my friends also struggle with it - and I also had some irregular cell growth on my cervix that was causing me to bleed a lot (very fun and cute). I went to so many gynos just being like ‘something is wrong’ and so many of them were like ‘you might just not be using enough lube’ and really dismissed me. It wasn’t until I finally went to my current doctor that she was like ‘do these things to help with the BV, I’ll get rid of those cells, also you have a tilted cervix and that’s why certain positions hurt you.’ I was like...where have you been all my life.
People who constantly bring up their ex! I think a little “yeah I was dating this person and it ended a year ago” is fine, sure, but when they bring up the ex multiple times I’m like RUN. Also pay attention to the way they talk about their ex. If they have nothing to say about their part in the breakup and theyr’e just constantly bringing up the ‘that bitch is crazy’ narrative, SUPER RUN.
I think the number one key in dating is being incredibly honest about your intentions, and also making sure you ask the other person what theirs are. I always ask early on something along the lines of ‘what are you looking for? What are you trying to get out of dating right now?’ If we’re both on the same page of what we want, whether it’s some casual fun or the end goal of something serious, that’s great! But if not, I think it’s better to find out early on instead of wasting time and someone getting their feelings hurt. Also - it seems simple but it’s true - if someone is interested in you, you’ll know. If you’re unsure about where you stand with someone, or if they’re lukewarm with their texting or initiating of plans, just take the L. I mean, I never actually do that but that would be my advice.
Once a week I take a hot bath and pour some apple cider vinegar in it just to keep the pH in check! Also I take a probiotic every morning. I’m actually in the process of researching laser places near me, because I’m still in the dark ages of shaving BUT I shave with baby oil and honestly it feels amazing and keeps me super soft. I also use the glow drops that y’all sent me because I am obsessed with them!! Oh and I almost never wear underwear. Especially now that I’m at home so much I like...never wear it.
I’m working on two pilots right now, one about my life and one about horny old people (hell yeah). I’m also working on a sketch series parodying the greatest show on earth, 90 Day Fiance.
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